Have A Little Faith in We

Hey there all! Hopefully you saw the good news on social media yesterday…. the blockage is out. Throughout Friday night it seems the Go Lightly did its thing and in the morning Danny requested another X-ray to see the status = all clear!  So Saturday was spent letting the Go Lightly wrap up its handy work and beginning to introduce food back to Danny’s system. We are finding that the blockage and pain when eating could be a result of other transplant related side affects – the stomach not emptying properly, the pain from the lungs and incision making Danny tense and feel like a blockage… and when you tense things get stuck. There are a lot of questions that remain to be answered, but the pain level is greatly improved and it looks like home today!

The relief that washed over me with this news was huge. Just knowing we could see a light at the end of the tunnel felt so exciting, so Saturday I got up, went for a run, eat a healthy breakfast, did all my make-up…. I was on my way back to the real world!! When getting to the hospital, Danny seemed relieved and happy to be past this road block, but his brow was still furrowed, the feeling of being a caged animal was in full force, and the wondering if the blockage was just part of several issues seemed to distract him from the gift of relief.

While the snow fell and the pretty sun streaked sky peaked in our window we enjoyed the view….and took a million more pictures of the shot we already have, as the day progressed. The gift of blockage gone provided some quiet so we both just read and sat just enjoying the boringness of hospital life and the excuse to escape. But I still worried and wondered what must be going on inside Dan’s head. I too feel the apprehension of what is around the corner or what does this, that or the other twitch/pain/ poke mean for what could be coming up next. The luxuries I have enjoyed include good nights of sleep, being able to go outside and breathe fresh air, and some other menus options besides the hospital best to distract my wondering mind. But for a week Danny only has the distractions of severe pain and overwhelming worry or the many rules of what he can’t do to keep his attention. A lot of these feelings I think will be resolved when he is back secure on his couch, with his pup, in our home. On Saturday I did not actually provide much help – but he appreciated my person just being there…. its a sign of feeling normal, so a few larger signs, mixed with food and sleep and I thing he will be back to only new lung excitement and not frustration.

While I read, listened to a podcast or reflected on those folks I have heard from this week I thought a lot about waiting. The books I was reading were focused on a few other families facing medical situations, the podcast I followed talked with a mom who had lost a baby and was working through an auto-immune disease, and some of the friends and family I texted with reminded me of the importance of just continuing to move forward and that some of them are also living in the gray. Life is about waiting – we are all waiting for something. Maybe its anticipation for something exciting, maybe its for medical healing for a child or parent, or perhaps its for those things that help us feel alive: love, career, a big move, to travel. All around us people are having to deal with their own waiting…. its a fact of life. Learning to be patient is going to be key to learning to survive this imperfect world, and finding ways to stand with others waiting will be important to feel comfort.

During a few of our walks or as we took in the view we had a few resolution moments. “When we get home I am going to…..”…. “When this is done we should absolutely…” …. “We really do need to take better care of our bodies…..” and being the positive, a-type that I am, I always really love these because they provide the belief in possibility and the desire to take action. As we shared these thoughts and let the words drift out of our minds and head (hopefully) into the future – I thought to myself, but I won’t forget the waiting. We are over the hump of some immediate waiting – but we still have a bunch of it to go. So while I am breathing a little easier today, I want to keep in mind those who are waiting. Let me be grateful for my experience, so I can better understand the hearts of others, and remember that as my next moments of waiting prepare to come – that nothing is forever and God is asking for faith from us all through our waiting.

Happy Sunday everyone and God bless.

Jackie