Hey friends! Tonight was going to be another Life Lately post, but instead I just wanted to pause and say thank you.
When life is not what you want it to be you have two choices: be sad or be happy. I hesitate to write those words, there are circumstances in life that happy just doesn’t seem to be appropriate. There is pain and heartache…. there is loss… there is despair. But I guess that’s just it, there is always a reason to not be happy, yet I would suggest there is also always a reason to choose it.
On my birthday Danny flaked out on our plans…. our water heater busted and flooded the basement (as you know showers are how I self medicate)… and I had just recently had a round of canceled life because of illness stuff. In response to this series of events someone said to me – “oh and now your 32 – sucks, doesn’t it”. That is the moment ladies and gentleman…. that was the exact moment two things popped into my head: 1 – a very wise friend who always says you have a choice to be happy or sad and I am just gonna choose happy and 2 – there is a family in North Caroline who said good bye to their loved one the day mine was given hope for a future life. No – 32 doesn’t suck and I won’t live that way. Period. I am gonna be happy.
This decision was followed by some really hard moments for me personally. Because of our circumstances many of the roles I love so much were challenged: wife, friend, professional. It was crazy – its like the moment I decided to be happy and strong the earth said “ok – she is strong enough, let’s turn on the blender”. I had to fight for happy. Really dig very deep and fight. I still am. I have been honest about the frustrations and the pain…. I have let me guard down and just cried – in front of family… in front of friends.. over many phone calls… I have broken down – but I have fought anger. Sadness – yes. Pain – yes. But I can proudly say no matter what I have laughed every day. Wherever I find myself I have also found a reason to be grateful every day. And I have gone ahead and given myself permission to sometimes say “I don’t know” when asked what is going on with Dan’s health or with our ability to handle it, because when you let go of perfection it is easier to smile through the confusion. I have done the best I can and I am proud of myself.
Before this post sounds like a love letter to myself or my own private version of the rocky theme song there is a reason to all this. As I have chosen happy – it has been returned to me ten fold. People from all walks of life – distant friends, close friends, family, strangers – they have reached out to reward my happy with their own. Some have opted to just listen.. others have shared their own stories of pain… and I have fallen more in love with the human spirit. When you embrace your brokenness and answer it with happiness anyway – I think it lets other knows they can be real too. I have gotten more hugs… held more hands… cried along with more people … and just shared in the lives of some very special individals it has helped me let go of so much . So thank you all so much. I have loved sharing my humanity with you all and I am honored you have chosen to share yours back with me.
This evening I am crawling into bed weary with only some of the work week behind me…. but I am resting my head with a full heart and as I thank God for this peace I am going to ask that he share this peace with every person who has helped me to find mine. Thank you all so very much – you are so special and I pray God blesses you the way you all are blessing me.
Thanks so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!