Sunday night I left the hospital after a bit of an unexpectedly long day. I enjoyed a gloriously long shower, delicious dinner, and funny movie with my mom, until I eventually crawled into the fluffy warm hotel bed and crashed. My mom was still up working a little with the light and it was barely after 11PM (early for me), but I zonked out and fell into a pretty deep sleep – suddenly finding myself with a peek into the future.
It was as if I was watching a movie- I stood back and observed Danny and I in regular life. I saw us talking about our day – both at our own jobs- in our kitchen while making dinner and puppy at our feet. Then I was witness to the new little people we welcomed into our family. Later I saw us hanging with my siblings and just laughing on the back deck during a warm spring Sunday afternoon. Each of these images displayed before me just like a night at the movies.
Just like a favorite TV series or familiar film, I knew the characters well. It was very predictable what they wore, how they laughed and roles they played. Just as I can expect a quirky sense of humor or witty banter between Lorelei and Rory I knew these people so well. But there was something noticeably different between Danny and I – this knowing and loving look that I didn’t recognize. As they were talking about the food they prepared or the schedule of their kids… when they were rehashing family stories with my sisters and wondering what food we brought for the gathering…. there was this thing between them that seemed to be a little more than what had been there before.
Though the dream nothing was explained… I wanted to stop and say “how did we get here?” “Is Danny healthy?” “How old are all of you in these moments?” But they couldn’t hear me. All I could do was observe, so I did. It was that look – a mixture of a well kept secret that reminded me of something between a shared joke or unique piece of information and a sense of unspoken love and security. There had to be something specific that ignited that sort of look – it was more than our current one of love… something had happened and they had come out victorious.
The dream did not really have a start or a finish. It was like I was just plopped in the middle of some future time- to watch and observe. I did not know why, I did not know for how long- but I felt a sense of calm, I had been given a gift.
That next morning I woke up more refreshed than I had in days. Instead of the shock that had been my morning alarm for the last few days or a sense of urgency to go go go and get to the next phase of recovery- I just felt calm. This dream had said to me- this hospital life…. this sense of confusion and shock…. this monumental event will just be a part of our story someday, not the whole story. This miraclehad found its way to our home as part of the journey not the end of the road for us- and maybe not the only miracle we can hope for.
It is my belief this gift that sent a wave of peace through my whole person is a gift from God to say- remember this hospital life is not forever and a direct result of the prayers you all are praying to give Danny and I peace. Thank for sharing in our journey.
Yesterday Danny’s final tubes were removed… the eating of true food (just with restrictions) remains, and we continue to travel the path of recovery- totally in awe of Dan’s strength and resulting success. Myself and our family are attending trainings on how to care for a transplant patient as we learn our new role. The rumor of home release is gaining momentum and we are feverishly running around to prepare. Please continue to refer to our blog or my instgram/facebook feeds for updates. We have received several requests for personalized or specific updates and we are not able to provide that level of information separately at this time.
Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!