This past week while enjoying my vacation from the office on Thursday I opted to have breakfast with Jesus. So that is a little casual, what I mean is that I participated in our parish’s current 14 days of adoration for freedom of religion. For my non-Catholics, adoration is when the Holy Eucharist is left on display at the alter so our parishioners can go and pray before it. We believe the Eucharist to be the actual Body of Christ – so taking time to participate in this ritual, is actually taking your prayers physically to the foot of our Lord. It is a beautiful experience that demands focus, respect, and silence, but at the same time – it is as simple as a child coming before its Father for help. So for me – I like to think that I had breakfast with Jesus.
On Tuesday evening we made our way to just outside Baltimore to a cute little Bed & Breakfast for a fun escape and then Wednesday enjoyed the sites of Baltimore before and after an appointment at Hopkins. This week we celebrated 11 years of dating and wanted to do a little something fun, but also needed to check in with the transplant team in Baltimore – so our 48 vacation was born. I will be posting a little more about our trip and an update on Dan’s health separately…. but the unique combination of celebrating and dealing with CF on top of the odd week we have had, it has been a weird few days.
As a result, this little a-type is constantly looking for ways to get centered and feel in control…. therefore I have to do lists and schedules and goal sheets and calendars and notebooks following me in bags wherever I go. Truly – I am constantly thinking about what I need to do and what I should do and what I haven’t done…. and no matter how many lists I make, highlighter colors I use, red pen star marks I make…… I can’t seem to get through many of them. Even my husband – the calmer, cooler, more collected of the two of us – commented about our current ADD status. It seems like we are constantly jumping from one thing to the next, running between activities, or sitting down to a chunk of free time to get things done and in a matter of seconds, it is time to get up and go again. I can’t say it has all been due to health or work – this week in particular it was also due to fun with friends…. but no matter the reason, neither of us can seem to shake the GO GO GO we are feeling.
So that Thursday morning I brought my intentions to our Lord. There are the intentions about our suffering CF friend and her family, some other health scares of family and friends, there are the growing pains still affecting my family as we respond to my sister’s unplanned pregnancy that has resulted from an unhealthy relationship, intentions of family and friends that are always on our hearts, the damage of terrorists, and then there is the questions Danny and I have been facing around his health in this moment and in the future. I had signed up for an hour of prayer at the Chapel – and it was already more than half way completed just be talking through my intentions with God. But as I finished my prayer list, an odd thought occurred – so many of these prayers are not new, they have been on my heart and in my prayers for months. Sure there are new aspects or greater fears – but overall, God is more than aware of these situations and my hearts desire for a quick solution. But here is the thing, there is no quick solution so instead I was faced with a question back – why am I still trying to fix intentions that I have already given over to God?
Of course we should never stop talking with God about our needs or our intentions. In fact – in one of my favorite books, Jesus Calling, I am constantly reminded that continuous communication with Him is the best way to live life. However, continuing to try and fix a problem that I have already said, I can’t resolve on my own…. that is a futile prayer! I have given it over to God, I have accepted that it is His timing that is best….. so now I just have to wait. Following this revelation, I turned to my daily prayer books and bible reading and guess what those themes were? How God has to wait for us. The Almighty, the All Powerful – who has the ability to fix it all with a wave of the hand or could make it so that we all choose Him without hesitation, instead is practicing His own version of patience, waiting for us to come to Him. So just in case I had not gotten the message the first time…. now I was pretty darn clear – patience is the answer to ALL of the questions.
This week as I was enjoying my husband, spending time at home, and soaking up memory making with some of my best friends – I was still working my way through a lot of these different feelings and experiences and EVERYONE was so very kind and supportive. These folks turned off their opinions and opened not just their ears but their hearts. Because many of them have heard these fears and worries for a while…. over and over again and yet they offered me the grace to hear it again and love my anyway. And let’s be honest to make me laugh really hard at a lot of these moments too – because beyond prayer, what else can you do but laugh???!?! So to them I am grateful…. but also to my readers (and yes many of you are one the same – thank you guys!!!!!) here I am very grateful. I have been at a loss for words so my posts have been a little more quiet. But on the other hand when I am not quiet…. they are posts such as these – realizations for the lessons I am learning and coping with it. The internet is not known for being a friendly warm place to bear your soul…. and in return some of the soul bearing is not always the best version of yourself. Yet here, I have been able to be so honest and even share some of the lessons that could maybe be helpful to someone else. So thank you to all of you …. you have hung in there and finally this week I am very much looking forward to getting back to the normal program with some favorite posts, some memory capturing, and a few weekend wrap-ups…. stay tuned.
So an extra thank you for reading and remember to make it a great day!