Have A Little Faith in We

Hello friends and welcome to Thursday. It has been a good week – the hustle and bustle before a holiday is always busy, but also oddly satisfying. Its like studying for finals in school – you are crazy overwhelmed, tired, working like a busy little bee, – while running on some crazy high. Yet you know if you keep going, keep pushing, keep moving forward – all of a sudden you will hit that golden opportunity of a break! And in this case I am trading the promise of a summer sun for a fall weekend in New York!! Folks we are heading to the city….. #Macysdayparadeorbust !!!!

Before that though… we gotta get work and life all tied up- and this past weekend we planned to make HUGE dents in the pre-trip to do list. You know the list don’t ya? The one where you feel like you have to make life absolutely perfect before you leave so that when you return to your homestead it is all ready and waiting for you to fit right back in. For example we need to have our new towel racks hung and functioning perfectly to be able to enjoy our New York trip – right??? I know it can be a little crazy but there is some sort of motivation to get it all done before you head onto vacation. This past weekend was going to be our big push through the to do list – especially since upon return from NYC – we will be three days away from December!!! Folks we are officially into the holiday season!

We were going to be getting the house cleaned and ready for the holidays, the contract work stabilized, rock some blog to dos, and start New York Prep. Then Friday happened and I did a quick trip with my sister Bridget to the ER . We were worried about a concussion, but what we actually learned yesterday is that she is healing nicely and should be all good to go for Macy’s Day Parade Dancing! And while we are at it – Danny had an appointment and his lung levels were surprisingly high – along with a good weight and overall positive report card….we are ALL ready to party!! But needless to say the weekend started off a little unexpectedly.

Saturday morning I woke up and felt a little off. A slower start to the morning, but I figured if I rested I would be ready to get to my friend’s baby shower at noon and then rock out the afternoon with productivity. Well feeling a little off led to feeling a lot off and barley getting through one my favorite things in the whole wide world- a hot shower! Long story short – I had secured myself a one way ticket to the couch. At first I felt so crummy that I accepted it. Saddened to miss celebrating a friend, disappointed to miss time hanging with my boys or working on the house… but I just could not find the energy or strength. So it was a couch day…. and I made my little nest there for quite a few hours.

That evening I walked the dog and got a little fresh air – but pretty much just rested until it was bed time. When I climbed into bed I was frustrated about a bit of a lost day – but already tired enough to go to sleep, it was obvious my body just needed a little healing.

Sunday I forced myself up and to productivity. It was hard – I was not as weak, but still a little tired. So the massive to do list was still a dream away, but getting my office cleaned up, my week planned a blog post done – I counted the day as successful. That evening we planned to go to mass and I wanted to fit in a long run before it was time to visit the church. Somewhere in my naive little brain I figured I had been resting so much that a run would feel good and probably be pretty easy. So very very very wrong. It was the worst run I have had in forever.

My legs felt like they were connected to cement bricks. My lungs struggled to find a pattern of breathing. And my back had twinges of pain. I was a mess… add that too my brain basically telling me that all the weeks of running prior were lost, I was going to look like an idiot at next Sunday’s Turkey Trot  – and I lost my marbles. My sister works weekends so I texted her to say what a disaster it had been and thankfully she reassured me that a bad run was better than no run at all.

Sadly my struggles of not feeling good and running struggles have trickled into this week. I just feel off and can’t seem to shake it. There is no question I am dealing with something and the only true answer is going to be taking really good care of myself – better sleep, good eating habits, and continue to push myself to workout. I know the answers – but when the rewards aren’t as great as they have been feeling (I just bragged last week how running has helped to clear my head and making me feel happier in day to day life) it can be frustrating.

Beyond my health though, is another side to this blasé and it is the state of our world. Friday’s nights Paris attacks were disturbing. Just like 9/11 it is so painful to watch people just doing their everyday life and suddenly their world comes crashing down or their time on earth is cut short. This on the heels of other attacks and quickly followed by threats to DC and New York  and we are left worried for how much healing the world truly needs. Maybe it is because they have specifically called out where I call home and the place I plan to be next week, maybe it is the reminder of that painful day in 2001, maybe it is watching the anger and hatred that rises up between the public who are debating “solutions” and using that as a chance to slam each other…. but my heart has been heavy. I wonder what the future holds and if the earth will ever find the love needed to achieve the peace desired. However there is another perspective besides despair – strength.

Many have lost the life they know or their lives all together through these tragedies, yet still many remain here with the realization that life is a precious gift. We are of this world for such a short time compared to the eternity to come, and when that happens so does the question: how are we choosing to live our life? Our priest on Sunday reminded us that the choice for our after life is being made right now with our actions, with our reactions, and with our choices. How am I choosing to live my life? Suddenly a “lost” weekend recovering can be transformed into a chance to be at home enjoying the blessings of shelter, food, and family. My frustrations over my body’s struggle and my exercise journey is an opportunity because I have the gift of time to get healthy. The stress of work, the fears of money, the anger at others are all chances to prove to myself and the world that I choose joy and love because I have faith. It is all in perspective. And as my husband remained me – not only is important to live your life focused on faith, love and gratitude – but that these terrorists want us to lose sight of these truths and live in fear – it is our duty to not give in but rather to move forward.

It was a quiet weekend here at the Bessette home – but it was a weekend I was reminded of all that I have, even in my struggles. As we enter this time of holidays and gratitude what an incredible reminder that perfection is not real, joy is a choice, and faith is an action. I hope all of you are taking some time to find joy and choose it….. God bless us every one.