Have A Little Faith in We

Of

What are your dreams made of? Experiences? Blessings? Belongings? Milestones? Achievements? Truly: when you consider dreams coming true what comes to mind?

This question has come up recently for me and my own personal answer has been surprising: how it feels.

In my life’s journey there have been an incredible mix of all those possibilities. Experienced some incredible moments. Been given beautiful blessings. Acquired a variety of belongings. Achieved my goals. And also I have missed experiences, waited on blessings that never came, still have a pretty long shopping wish list, and have dreams far from reach. Which means the first lesson: there is always a desire for more. But the louder lesson for me: when the dreams have come in a variety of packages they also always included holes. People, circumstances, or situations were not as I had imagined. All dreams are accompanied by joy: holding the good and the hard. This has meant the letting go of dreams as I envisioned and rather focus on the parts that matter: how they feel.
A year ago this week we moved officially to our Richmond workd. Life since then has looked very different than I have dreamt of and mostly in ways that I could not anticipate. Generally things are much better than I had anticipated. But being human and the arrival of a year mark, there are little itches I want to scratch. Do I really like our house? Is Richmond is what I pictured for Shannon’s hometown? Is work just too much or with still chasing? And the question marks go on…. so much so I have found myself twisted around some axels and coming up grumpy and impatient. It is then I have to dial down my dream scenarios to the smallest atom and look at how they feel.

Shannon’s school has been incredible and you know what reminds me of that the most? The way drop off and pick up feel. Pulling into this place that houses Christ, maintained by passionate teachers, and supported by like-minded families has my heart so full, tears of overwhelmed find me often. It is not how I pictured it: Shan is not at any of my schools I had hoped she might attend, we are the family with mostly just a mom and no siblings, a lot of my getting to know the school has been through Shan’s emotional struggles and some physical challenges needing extra support. How it feels to see her so at home and in a community so invested, bring me back to the love and safety of my childhood. I am in awe how this dream arrived and feels.

My work is often accomplished alone in my home office. I am not living the outloud of my PR degree or leading my team with bustling DC in tge background. Yet the passion and knowledge I gain for the work itself has made my career go farther than anticipated. It does not feel familiar to my dreams in how it looks… and yet it feels bigger, maybe better.

Danny and I are doing life together = that was the dream. It doesn’t look like us owning a home together, a daily in person co-parent, or his health in any sort of stability so we can make plans from dinner to next year. But how it feels knowing the journey back to a shared marriage, that is the dream coming true.

Feelings are tricky. They are not based on reason or truth. They do not always make sense, and likely we aren’t even feeling all of their true layers. So while I have come to realize my dreams feel better than how they stack up against my original vision, I also now understand you have to get to the root of the feeling. The heart of the matter. What was the reel dream and how would it feel? Then translate it to what in my is reflecting that right now? That is what dreams are made of.

Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!
Jackie