Battles wounds are cool. The scars I have gotten from having to live in two worlds – sickness and regular life- are the ones I feel proud of. The stories they tell, the lessons they gave, and the pride they swell up in my heart are the type of thing I like to share on the blog or in my speeches. There are certain moments that I thought would break me and have turned into a memory I even laugh about. These are the scars I wear proudly.
But then their are the ones I don’t want…. the ones I seek to hide… the ones who always find a way to rear their ugly head again (maybe the same issue, maybe a new one… but the same lesson, that I just won’t learn)…. the ones that aren’t healed or I have accepted as necessary healing and thus fester… those are the ones that I wear begrudgingly.
What is fascinating is how much more I fixate on the ones that are still open. The ones I have not made peace with. In some ways, it makes sense: I am still in the process of learning those lessons and healing. But the hyper focus on the broken versus what has resulted in healing so much so I can see the value, I can hold the joy. Fixating on the past typically never helps but one would think since many of my scars have resulted in progress forward at the end of the day, why can’t I have more faith in my present battles that those can work out too?
We are a few days from the Lenten season where we remember the scars that saved us. The scars entered into willingly… the scars that we need to survive our humanity. There are two perspectives. I am holding close to my chest as we prepare for this time. The first is the recognition and reminder that my messy life and scars have led to some beautiful realities. They are not 100% the realities I dreamt of, but I can say with certainty they are realities that speak to my heart’s desires. In the season of sacrifice, it is an opportunity to look past the portions that aren’t exactly my preferred situation and focus on how to lean into the parts that are very much answered prayers. The second is while I join Jesus on the journey to Calvary this is an opportunity to really study. What this story is telling us. Being a follower of God does not translate to perfection, everything making perfect sense, a guaranteed way of life or future, and messy is going to be required. That is the path our savior had to journey, and I have the opportunity to carry my own cross aside him.
When we think of Lent there are a variety of ways to approach it: practices, sacrifices, books, programs, postures, perspectives. In fact there is the challenge to not treat this like a new New Year’s Eve! For me I am choosing to tie it to my word of “purpose” for 2025 LINK and to really assess the aspects of my life that need to be pruned by our Lord (examples: patience with my loved ones, stop escaping – TV, social media, shopping, health habits that will help me better in my vocations – sleep, reduce wine, food choices). There have been many seasons in these recent years that were lived in survival. And still God made a way, was able to heal and with my little yeses, when that is all I could barely muster. He did great things with very little. Now I am in a season where there is less survival and more focused living, so I can give many more yeses, and I need them to be well ordered in wisdom.
However even in this space of feeling the opportunity for more, I am remembering the core of what God has called to my life and that doing my day to day well and through love is the most inportant. This demands letting go of supposed to thinking, rushing, desire to be or have or do MORE…. and that pushing against these human based strengths, while trying to learn and grow is a journey in progress not perfection. Let that be a humble prayer too.
Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!
Jackie
Have A Little Faith in We 