Have A Little Faith in We

Did you know there can be jealousy in failed dreams? Have you ever experienced envy for the way someone else misfortune is playing out? How about in the midst of your own? That was reality for myself and following the story of Jessica Hanna, “Blessed by Cancer”. And as the Catholic community mourns the loss of her life these past few weeks, I am overwhelmed by where the journey has gone and the gift to our faith that Jessica truly was.

They are just a better Catholic. They have something that I can’t have. There must be things in their life that are just stronger than mine: marriage, motherhood, faith life. These are the hard truths that crossed my mind when viewing someone else’s season in the desert, while walking my own.

Then with Jessica’s story it really touched a deep place. Her journey with illness was also travelled along with the one of new life. She seemed convinced of God’s goodness, regardless of the twists and turns. And that part too felt familiar: there was always ups and downs, over and over again. Yet she embraced her cross. There were Catholic Communities where we crossed paths and her participation was one of faith, where mine always felt like one of desperation. She joined as part of answering God’s call…. I answered desperate to understand him better. What is wrong with me that I am jealous of a woman’s dance with death?

And with that realization, I was careful. I would watch her stories, updates or prayer sessions sometimes – but with a careful and guarded heart. Because even in my own strange envy, I felt drawn to her pureness. The jealous feelings I had were not of faith…. but of interest in her experience and what she was teaching me. Her ability to be with Jesus was something that was not wrong and exploring that is when I learned, the envy wasn’t wrong if it was channelled to curiosity. Instead of “why does she have such a good faith” to “how do you carry your cross like Jess” a lot changed.

What made Jessica’s mission so incredible was it challenged those of us who watched it. It brought out feelings around what she faced, because it was so unfathomable to grasp. And the ability she had to keep going and how long she continued her faithful journey, it was realized Jessica wasn’t challenging anyone… she was inviting everyone.

Jessica’s passing occurred the weekend of Divine Mercy Sunday. A celebration that specifically honors Jesus desire and ability to provide the mercy we all need for our humanity through His great love. However it was this year, from Father Mike Schmitz, that I learned a new perspective: divine mercy can come because it can repair the greatest wound of humanity, our inability to trust. It was the thing that led humanity to sin and the thing that will keep us furtherest from our good and holy Father. We have a wound that would not let us trust. That is what Jessica offered, an example of trust. One the world can never understand, and the kind that makes even fellow Catholics shift in their seat. Great faith even when it feels impossible to see His light in the dark. Jessica taught those willing to listen how to chase the light until you found, even if no one around you could see it.

May the light of God find Jessica’s family in this incredibly difficult time. May those of us challenged and then forver changed by Jessica help to continue her mission. May the Divine Mercy season welcome this good and faithful servant to the arms of her beloved. And may we all find a path through our trust wound to the greatest love of Christ.

Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day.
Jackie