In college I had an assignment that I actually thought was extremely valuable: write about your future job. Describe a moment – a day of the week, a time of the day and how you will spend your time in that role. This was something I could not wait to do … and I had every detail included from the coffee that would accompany my to do list to the look I would have including the purse I would carry.
Thinking on that memory, has lead to another set of memories: the ones when I truly started to ache for motherhood. It had always been a dream from when I had dolls, but when I truly desired it and was in the time of life that it was happening around me…. I was desperate to know what it was like to wonder boy or girl, to dream about picking a name…. To planning family outings, little outfits, and even the hard stuff… I knew it would feel like “match made” when God gave me a baby and life would really make sense.
What I did not know about these daydreams… was to come.
Work would be hard. It would challenge me… it would feel personal and not just because I am a sensitive person, but because I give my heart, energy and time to it, that means it takes them from the part of my life that mean the most: loved ones. I didn’t realize that decisions would not always come quick… my best thinking is done at odd hours and while donning cozy sweat pants…. And the greatest season where I had reached one of my top career moments: I would do from a computer screen many miles away from headquarters.
Motherhood has little to nothing to do with feeling complete or a perfect match… it would feel like you were gifted with the most precious miracle and suddenly they are saving you in ways you never imagined. Thus you are begging God constantly to be good enough for them. The moments of hard were very little related to lack of sleep or overwhelm… but actual despair in your bones that you are ruining them for life with one wrong choice. Somehow your inability to set up a good bedtime routine means they will never be able to have a job. The thoughts… the pain… the worry is out of this world… and all because it’s a love that is unimaginable and not just life affirming, it is life altering.
This year during Thanksgiving, my mind has wandered a lot to the opportunity to actually marry these two perspectives: dreams and reality. There are aspects of each that hold truth and there is an opportunity with a mindset shift to actually feel they both are blessings that currently exist in my life. It just means looking in the nooks and crannies for the gratitude.
It’s busy and crazy and very full life… but when I pause the running around for a moment I realize I am putting big bows in a sweet little girls hair and I have a new name I go by “Shannon’s mom”. My career has led to one of those roles I actually wrote about… even if it is conquered more often while wearing joggers than power suits. So that is a big part of what Thanksgiving is for me this year. Don’t just be grateful for the blessings, truly recognize how life has moments that I actually used to dream about. Soak them all up- big or small- and maybe keep those little pauses going beyond Thanksgiving day. See them as parts of God’s plans that he had laid on my heart years ago … and now they are here.
Wishing you all a beautiful Thanksgiving season in all your nooks and crannies!
Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!
2 thoughts on “Grateful in All the Nooks and Crannies”
You have worked so hard and deserve your success as a mom and association executive!
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Thank you Dad❤️