Have A Little Faith in We

Hello friends and happy Wednesday! Hope you are enjoying a great week and maybe if you are local really soaking up this peek at spring….temperatures in the 60s and 70s – it is amazing! Luckily the Bessette family is all on the mends so we can enjoy it too!

This past Friday Quinlan and I kicked off the weekend with dinner at the Heppes house. Danny was still in patient at Hopkins and since I am back at work full time as much as I can, getting up there later on a Friday night didn’t seem like a good idea. Plus our little pup had been having some tummy issues (likely a result of the medication he was on to fight his yeast infection/allergy rash on his torso from the week before), and a vet visit was planned for the AM, so I stayed local. This was an especially good option since Brig was home for a weekend visit!

After a week without Dad, Q was very happy to see his Brig. I know, its like have a real baby already, but it really is so funny to say to him “do you want to go see Brig?” And his little tail starts flapping wildly side to side, while his feet prance around. He loves her…..and truth be told, so do we!!

Unfortunately our later evening was not quite as lovely as our dinner plans…. and Quinlan was up all night needing to go out. We settled in to bed at 12:30AM and he was up at 1:30AM, 3:20AM and 5:40AM…. which at that point I gave up being in bed and moved to sleep on the couch closer to the door. Finally his tummy settled and we slept until our late morning vet appointment. As you can imagine the vet isn’t really Q’s idea of a good time. In fact, for almost anything they need to actually touch him to treat – he needs to be sedated. It’s not that he is a bad dog, but he is quirky and doesn’t like other animals. So the vet full of people he doesn’t know very well that poke and prod AND he can smell all the other patients scents…. he is handful!!

We love this vet though and they have even become accustomed to holding his appointments out in the yard in an attempt to make him less stressed. We had just had one of those outdoor visits last week – and still Quinlan was pretty stressed. Upon arrival to Saturday’s visit, the vet actually said to me they might just want to try him on some diet food and another med to reverse the stomach upset side effects from the last treatment, in lieu of an appointment. Since Q was already going bonkers in the car, I said what the heck! He is eating well…. still has tons of energy (this would be the point in the visit where a car alarm goes off and it is my car with my dog in it trying to find the escape to go meet {aka – bite} a fellow vet visitor) and seems himself, minus the middle of the night potty breaks. So we gave this a whirl.

At this time in the day I was worn out with no sleep and frustrated that my weekend plans with girlfriends had to be cancelled due to this vet nonsense changing up my Hopkins visit schedule…. so I did all the things a girl knows how to do to change up the mood: Starbucks, pedicure, and Target run. And right in the middle of my pedicure who should walk in? My sister Bridget and we also opted for an Ulta trip together too! Have I mentioned how much I love that living in Ashburn means bumping into folks in the neighborhood often includes my family?

During my Saturday jaunting, I had my book with me and opted for an additionally lazy break for reading and Chik-fila in the Target parking lot. Yes folks, it is pitiful to be a suburban mom type with no kids (and technically no husband right now) – but I am who I am and I loved this little escape.

That night my family was meeting up for dinner, but I was just feeling the stress. Sunday would be a hospital day, the laundry had mounted up, I was in yoga pants and it was 4PM, and I was really missing my sleep. This is a new thing for me, but I am consciously trying very hard to recognize my feelings of anxiety and stress at the beginning stages so I can change me course of action and avoid melt down. This is not a forever way to live – for example stress at the bank doesn’t mean you don’t need to have money – but for this moment in time, when so much of my life is in a state of stress, I am making this special effort a lot. That night I could have pushed myself to go to dinner…. I could have listened to the voice in my head that said “if you were good enough you could make it all work” and I could have just stayed up later or gotten up earlier to get it all done. But instead I recognized I wasn’t myself and just tried to address how I could feel better – rest and prepare.

So my wild and fun Saturday night? Long walk with my dog, hot shower with sweet smelling body wash to refresh me, time planning my week by selecting my outfits and completing my food prep, and best of all packed everything up for Sunday. Normally I am running around the house grabbing everything I need as I race out the door to Hopkins, feeling like my hair is on fire. Not tonight – I prepared so when I went to bed I knew it would be much more smooth sailing when I opened my eyes.

Sunday I was up and at it early with a long puppy walk, mass, breakfast and off to Hopkins. I spent the day with Danny, which ended up being a lot of reading with a little break to see my pal.

Being in the hospital for an extended amount of time Danny was feeling lonely and disconnected from the world. So having someone there helped – even just to sit. This of course is the opposite of my personality that wants to chit chat about it all…. catch up on everything… play a game.. go for a walk …etc. And that is when my Saturday night that was calm really paid off. I was able to calm myself and say, if that is what he wants, then I can do it. That and my constant praying to God to stop the stream of  “whats” in my head: “What does this mean?” “What could be wrong?” “What if he is getting worse?” It was best to turn off the questions and just be.  But I still worried that maybe Danny wasn’t getting better.

Monday eventually came and I am happy to report that after another semi-tough night with Quinlan and a concerning Sunday with Danny – Q was better and Danny was released! Welcoming him home was really nice. I had worried that maybe he would come home still frustrated and already with limited patience for my questions and planning. But instead the change of scene for Danny by coming home did him a world of good. He is still very tired and taking his days slow, but he is so much happier and feels a heck of a lot less trapped!

Q on the other hand appeared all good…..but had another long night that night. Ya’ll – I have no idea how new parents do it. I am still exhausted from just a few nights of bad sleep. Heck I am heading to bed as soon as this is done…. which is odd for me. But finally as of Tuesday night, Q is much better and we hope to continue to all heal!

Update on Danny: While in the hospital they focused a lot on the chemical interaction of Dan’s meds and what it was doing to his body. Many medications were adjusted and a few removed – so the tremors have drastically improved. Unfortunately some of the meds they removed had to return, anti-rejection medications are non negotiable, but it appears they have the prescriptions interacting a little better with one another! We are very hopeful this is the turning point in really seeing Dan heal from home  – so I am hoping to restart our visitors and take all you kind people up on your offers to help with food. Over the next few weeks we will remain mostly at home – with a few doc appointments – so having some help with meals and a reason for folks to pop in will make a big difference.

Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!

Jackie