After several hours of good sleep (Dan was sawing some serious logs) and various med efforts, the blockage has started to dissipate. It can be a slow moving process, but we are defiantly seeing progress and Danny even tolerated eating, his first food since Monday’s lunch. The combination of good rest, followed by long overdue relief, and rewarded with sustance- Danny felt normal enough for a little conversation (something else that had been gone since Monday). This is great news- and if you have followed us during earlier blockages- a faster turnaround than past experiences! Wahoo!!
Over the next 24 hours we will hope to close the chapter on blockages and get back to the real focus, Danny’s lungs. This sort of unexpected bump has been a large source of frustration and left a bit of fear that we may be in for a wilder ride than originally thought. As Danny tries to focus on healing, to be derailed like this has been even more overwhelming to him. My heart hurts watching him ask why this… why now…
This was going to be our week of starting our new routine. I was heading back to work some, Danny was staring his physical therapy, and we had actually talked about a schedule and approach that would keep us organized and relaxed (you know, at least a little better than being completely unprepared for our transplant call). But that’s not how it went and that can make the situation seem even worse…. as we are so clearly not in control, even when we try!
For my a-type to cope, I have made being present, as well as God my partner my whole areas of focus. As soon as something gets hard or a little uncomfortable my brain catapults itself into a frenzy of questions: how are we gonna handle this now? How far setback are we now? What about work? What about getting home? In these moments I have done one of two things- grabbed a distraction (book, magazine, a walk, offering more help to Dan) pushing all other thoughts aside to just be present in the here and now, OR I have lobbed all those questions hard and fast at God! Here – you deal with it cause I got nothing left. Both of these efforts have given me the necessary tools to stop the reeling and find moments of stillness and peace. I think when we get through this season, I will be grateful for the lesson… heck, I already am!
Danny is in a different place than I. Any energy he has found has to go to healing, so the mind reeling can get out of control. I hope and pray for him to find his comfort at this time and to be granted peace, even to just get through the next 10 minutes. He will get there eventually, and when he does there will be a huge deep breath and healthy lungs to welcome him.
It is my belief none of this is in vain and all of our journey will have a meaningful answer. But in the meantime, we will continue to take prayers for those moments we might forget and be grateful for the little bits of serendipity- like already being at Hopkins when the blockage hit.