Have A Little Faith in We

Hello friends and a very blessed Sunday to you all. Over in my neck of the woods I am currently working to combat my normal Sunday blues. Of course it is very similar to the normal blues that finds its way to us all this day of the week – knowing we are back to the grind of scheduled lives in a matter of hours. But a this life of ours has become more full these evenings are also full of what has not been accomplished on the blog, with contract work, around the house….. its a real grumpisode over here some Sundays!

This morning as I woke a little later than I wanted to I promised myself no whining or anxiety today. I was just not going to do it! The reason for silence on the blog, the reason for a very full inbox, the reason for a long to do list that is missing quite a few check marks is all because life was so full of fun and memories this week. The stuff I will remember in 5 years – which I am pretty sure will not include my closet that I have yet to organize with my winter looks….when its February (whoops!).

Over the last week I have seen precious friends, we have celebrated Bridget’s senior night, I have spent time with family as we continue to focus on healing….

In the productivity column my workout routine has been ignited (ouch!), Danny has seen some docs and continues to try to remain healthy (despite not having a lung tune-up  in 6 months – this is incredible folks!), and our contract work has made some great strides.

As faithful followers we have continued our Lenten journey that is not only brought peace but also clarity.

All in all it has been a lot of busy, but more so a lot of fun – which leaves little room to do it all. This week we have a little less on the schedule so I am hopeful for a little more in the accomplished column – but either way I am committed to staying away from anxiety. This morning as I prayed that prayer and was determined to not stress out I have discovered two things:

The first is how hard I am on myself! There were so many moments today I had to actively stop my brain from thinking the negative thoughts or giving myself a hard time. In fact it was so startling I wondered how my Sunday night blues aren’t worse, when is so clear my brain wants me to be so disappointed in myself! With each frustration that arose I had to take a deep  breath and a few minutes to tell  myself to knock it off…. which further made me wonder how much energy I am spending on the negativity, when I could be focusing on accomplishing something on that to do list.

The second was more powerful. As we sat in mass tonight I continued to focus on how all I could do is my best. So what I can’t be 100% or move the dial on all my plans as fast as I want to …. isn’t it good enough that I am working as best I can and not letting go of my dreams?? Look at my blog for instance: this week’s to do list and posts were ones I was so very excited about and promised to be the true lead to going live – something I really want and so many signs are pointing to “just do it!!” Yet, there have been conversations, experiences, and revelations from the blog process thus far, that I can hardly call it a failure, even if I am not exactly where I want to be. The delays have actually only brought more passion and excitement for both Danny and I on this effort. Moments that I literally think “I could not have had this be more amazing if I designed it myself”. So to focus on what I am missing instead of just working to keep going is crazy!

With this being the mindset that has come to me this evening, my heart and soul where so perfectly prepared for a dream of my husband’s that he leaned over and asked that I consider today while at mass. This was the kind of thing that Sunday blues would have made me leap out of the pew and basically said “are you crazy??”. Or given him a look that could have made him feel alone and frustrated. The kind of dream that normal Sunday Night Jackie would have answered with nothing short of 1 million questions and examples of how that is crazy and we aren’t ready…. and yet in an almost out of body experience I said yes and my brain become flooded with images of the incredible beauty that dream could bring to our life. (Side note: like truly, I am almost confused at the lack of hesitation or need for questions prior to my “yes”….)

Tonight as we prepared dinner (OK – Danny prepared dinner and I Googled the possibilities) we talked and shared our thoughts on the matter and because I am still me when doubt or fear creeped in I was actually able to be a sane human being and say – well there is this aspect or there is that question – but dreams don’t come true over night, so let’s look into it. If I had been in my anxious, unhappy, weary state that often finds me at the end of the weekend I would have missed a chance to support my husband and dream a little more about the impossible become possible.

And so now I find myself back at my desk…. overlooking my pup… attempting to determine what needs to happen to get ready for the week.

Starting to feel the worry, I read a little bit of my book that is part of my daily prayer efforts and found this quote:

These words have left me so very grateful for the opportunity I have had today, by quieting my mind, to open my heart and be joyful in God’s potential plans. As we prepare for another week, if you are fighting the Sunday blues – just know you are not alone…. but also that you don’t need to fear, life will unfold in its own time… just gotta keep going.

Have a great week friends!