While journeying as a pilgrim of hope, you have to turn the desire for change or a specific future into taking action. And those actions have to start with a foundation built on truths- that are both acquired and stil being taught. Today I am sharing a few of my own.
When it comes to my family, I would rather be in relationship than be right: over the years I have struggled with the concept that my family relationships aren’t strong if I am not fuly understood or my choices validated. But what I have come to realize is we are who we are and we will never 100% see eye to eye, but does it truly mean I love them less? No- so is it really necessary to find agreement at every juncture: no. It has resulted in my seeing my family more often as those I love, rather than the source of frustration over missed expectations.
Boundaries are actions for you: yes, I have learned to live without being right, but it has also helped to clarify when a situation isn’t right and demands a boundary. Did you know a true boundary means the other person doesn’t have to change at all? Most often I have heard scenarios where the boundary is an exchange of behaviors: “if you do XYZ, then I will/won’t do XYZ.” But when I heard the explanation of a boundary only being a one way street: ” I can’t except behavior, so I am removing myself from a situation”, I learned that truly effective boundaries recognizes we can’t force anyone but ourselves to change. Yet in practice, you may find changing your behavior with a boundary may bring actual change to them. And when it’s chosen, not demanded it may actually stick.
If what you are chasing is a feeling, that can be cultivated now: often are we chasing something, because we have this belief it will make us feel something specific. Finally I will feel XYZ when I have XYZ. However if you ask yourself about doing something to create that feeling – what would that do? An example: Danny and I always talked about Sundays being special for our future family- mass, big family meal, hanging out, football and movie nights. So I have kept that deep in my heart waiting for the time when I have a big family gathered around. Until this year- I have selected some Sundays to make a special meal and carved at time for Shannon and I to be cozy, enjoy each other, and our traditions like mass and movie nights. And guess what? That feeling of we are home, family, and love I dreamed of happens for just the two of us. If your chasing a feeling, do something to cultivate it and see what happens.
Remember your area of influence: it is no secret my kryptonite is saying no and the overall belief that my capability and capacity are equal. This is just not true and I have prayed for the ability to better prioritize to grow. As a result I have been reminded that it isn’t just about getting good at saying no- it is the clarity to know where you truly have influence. My greatest impact is where? What does it mean to truly focus there? Because if I can’t influence, improve or add value to a situation/person/problem- is it really for me to get involved? Or the other way: what area of influence am I being pulled from when I can’t say no or prioritize? This outlook has truly helped.
Don’t confuse the idea of a “best approach” for an excuse to be in control. There are millions of unique individuals on this earth, thus millions of different ways to approach something. There will always be better ways and approaches that missed the mark… but the danger in thinking in terms of right or wrong for method is you depart from the goal and are hyper focused on being in control.
If we are breathing then we have been given the gift to grow and change. God is always writing our story, so as pilgrims on the discovery journey, if we can remain learning – we will remain actually alive- not just living. And remember its learning NOT mastering 😉.
Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!
Jackie
Have A Little Faith in We 