July 17, 2010 our wedding day with the colors so carefully selected: black and white with touches of red. And at 14 years that has turned out to be just right.
Black: Cystic Fibrosis, Advanced Lung Disease, Pain Medication Dependency, Career Balancing, Infertility, Family Relations, Denied for Adoption, Transplant Rejection, Financial Challenges from Medical Complications…
White: Falling in Love, Transplant, Career Growth, Creating a Family, Making a Home, Parenthood, Experiences, Public Speaking, Unconditional Love, Growth in Faith, Family Relationships, Writing, Being Godparents…
Red: Learning Gratitude and Anxiety Cannot Co-Exist, Faith Over Fear, The Meaning of Hope, Learning to Forgive, Letting Go and Letting God, Learning to do Hard, Grief is a Good Thing, Memories are Priceless…
Are these all the hard and good we faced? No. Are these all the lessons we have learned? No. Does life look like we expected? No. And yet this past year has brought peace, I have continued to be proud of how I have learned to show up. These truths exist: we are still married, illness is still the thing the decides when we all are together, Danny’s ability to be who he could be is hidden under the weight of severe illness and most participation is through FaceTime. These new opportunities are here: in a few short weeks Shannon starts a new school with an incredible community and a ton of family involvement. Shannon and I have offered Danny more and he may not be able to give it. These realities and these opportunities are black, white, and with touches of red.
However on this day honoring 14 years I am filled with gratitude. For what we did have, what has come back around and what our desire for family life has brought: a life that isn’t everything I anticipated but so full with confidence from doing the hard and painful well. A little girl who is everything I could have ever hoped for. A career that is finding so much growth, that wasn’t possible as a caregiver. God has made a way…. used all the hard…. and the possibility of life with more touches of red feels like the joy that was anticipated July 17, 2010. For is not finished with this story.
Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!
Jackie
Have A Little Faith in We 