This summer I learned an incredibly helpful parenting tool from Jami Nato. When your kids are in a calm and peaceful place, ask them “when do I love you? When you’re good or when you’re bad?” And my guess is most kiddos will respond “when I am good?” That seems like the right answer, but also oddly limiting so they will likely phrase it like a question. This is the perfect opportunity to say very calmly but clearly “nope- always.” And then make this a practice that becomes part of your family rhythm.
Shannon and I have made this part of our nightly routine at bedtime, but Shannon has added one part: she asks me the same question back. And just like that we both are committing to a foundation of unconditional love.
As parents we always want better for our kids. Whether it be in experience, opportunity, resources, – we just want to believe we have used our life to give them something more. For me this has come up specifically related to my people pleasing and perfectionism. These two things have brought accomplishment to my life, so there are versions of them I wonder if she needs. And yet when you look at their root: it is fear. Living life based on fear is not what is going to bring her to the place God designed her specially for and most importantly to his loving arms with promises of his peace. That is the best that I can want for her and that comes with a foundation of unconditional love.
They say with practices completed enough, you can actually rewire your brain. Thanks to this simple habit we have created a foundation of love for our little family and maybe even more important, come to recognize unconditional love. This is something I struggle with when I think of God our father. I know this to be the truth but I don’t live life like it’s a truth for me. As I have desired to teach this to Shannon and she has gone ahead and taught it right back, I have seen how desperately I needed to see God this way. Some of my greatest worry for Shannon without a present earthly father has been comforted with the idea that our bond can be so strong and God can be her father in a unique way. How funny because it turns out, that fear has also led to a place where we both need God as our unconditional father.
May we all come to know this perspective of always and thank you to my sweet girl for so lovingly bringing it back to me.
Thank you so much for reading and remember to make it a great day!
Jackie
Have A Little Faith in We 