Dear Danny,
13 years ago on this date we said “I do” and I can say with absolute certainty I didn’t picture celebrating this date in the future in the way life has gone at all. But the truth is, it is what Cystic Fibrosis does. A CF veteran mom told me once “they just stop caring and then they stop showing up…” but I didn’t believe it. Then it happened to me and then it happened to other CF wives and then I just had to accept it.
It has been a journey and I have gone through a lot of emotions, actually I still do. Your absence has justified my anger, but if I am being really honest it also still just makes me really sad. I miss who we were, I miss what could have been, and I miss what will be. I have wanted not to be sad, tried to say it… but this season has been different. The sadness has brought me comfort because it meant I loved with all I had. I believed what was impossible and I believed in the person I loved. I believed in possibility and I lived that with every part of my life …. And it hurts, but it also has allowed me to stay in this life and for that I am grateful.
Danny, it happened. My career got to the place that I dreamt of but was really scared of – you always said I would do it. Our family grew – by four paws and then two feet. She is the little Irish spitfire we dreamt of and she is smart, funny, cute as a button and wearing your dimples. You were right, I would get to be a mom. We have enough friends, money, support, and memories made to come. Those things we whispered in the dark, planned over margaritas, and cried over in the adoption courses, in lost jobs, in ERs and hospital rooms actually happened. July 17 was always about that- the life we gave all we had to build and the race was run… and it was won. There is more to go and this life has taught me I can keep going, for our family. That is the vows honored today.
And those vows had a third participant, Our Father. Today I also honor Him. God has shown up, remained strong and is always standing in the gaps. I pray for his guidance as the lead of our family and hopefully for your heart too.
This year I have our baby girl on the beach, our happy place and I am grateful. God draws straight paths with crooked ones and I have no idea what will happen, but on this day, in this year, for this season I hold these truths: I love and loved the best I could, our world was hard and also blessed, and the future is possible thanks to those vows. So I am grateful.
God bless the Bessette Family,
Jackie
Have A Little Faith in We 